Never been so grateful to pee
So I came from a party where I stuffed my face all night in cakes of all kinds, cupcakes, chocolate cakes, cheese cakes, etc. As a counter balance to my binge, and to make myself feel better, I kept drinking water to dilute the sweet stuff in my body (if that actually made a difference).
It was getting late, so I left the place in a rush and tried in vain to get as quickly as I could to the GO bus heading back Downtown. The bus would have left in 10 minutes, and I did not want to wait an hour for another one!
Right when we got into the car, the key got stuck in the ignition. After a minute of trying to pull it out, I lost all hope of making the bus. My friend, the driver, had a better attitude on the situation - “Just Believe!”
The key became freed once the car was set to park, and as a result I made the bus beyond my own doubts. Getting on the bus I then realized something… I really had to pee. I had a full bladder when I was leaving the party and I just inhaled an entire water bottle as I walked out the door.
Right when I sat in the seat, I contemplated the best end game situation. If I busted right now.. wouldn’t it be better to have busted in the back where no one is around? I mean.. I could just waterfall all over the seat right? It thick and cushiony, it should absorb it.. with no puddle anyone can see! Or maybe if I had a water bottle? Damn! The only day I didn’t bring a bottle with me! Maybe I could ask someone? But I think I would have burst right as I said a word to anyone on that bus.
No way I would get off that bus in the suburbs to pee and wait an hour for another one! So I did what I could to take my attention off the bursting banks, I kept moving around like a man with turrets, grabbed onto and pulled my pants away from my pelvis so tightly that I couldn’t feel my fingers, then my hand, then my arm, and I also played the HU song on repeat on my iPhone.
Amazingly, I survived! I brisk walked off that 40 minute bus ride with a limp. Making it to that urinal was the best relieving feeling I ever felt as I let my river flow to the sewers.
The source of success in surviving was in believing so hard that I WOULD NOT PEE ON THAT BUS. And what a struggle that was. Driving down the highway I couldn’t stop imagining the crayziest shit. As if how I would be so happy if the bus crashed at that moment as I would have the perfect excuse to have drenched myself.
Terrible.
