1 of 7 billion

A collection of shortcomings, perceptions and inspirations from a man at 21

Never been so grateful to pee

So I came from a party where I stuffed my face all night in cakes of all kinds, cupcakes, chocolate cakes, cheese cakes, etc. As a counter balance to my binge, and to make myself feel better, I kept drinking water to dilute the sweet stuff in my body (if that actually made a difference).

It was getting late, so I left the place in a rush and tried in vain to get as quickly as I could to the GO bus heading back Downtown. The bus would have left in 10 minutes, and I did not want to wait an hour for another one! 

Right when we got into the car, the key got stuck in the ignition. After a minute of trying to pull it out, I lost all hope of making the bus. My friend, the driver, had a better attitude on the situation - “Just Believe!” 

The key became freed once the car was set to park, and as a result I made the bus beyond my own doubts. Getting on the bus I then realized something… I really had to pee. I had a full bladder when I was leaving the party and I just inhaled an entire water bottle as I walked out the door.

Right when I sat in the seat, I contemplated the best end game situation. If I busted right now.. wouldn’t it be better to have busted in the back where no one is around? I mean.. I could just waterfall all over the seat right? It thick and cushiony, it should absorb it.. with no puddle anyone can see! Or maybe if I had a water bottle? Damn! The only day I didn’t bring a bottle with me! Maybe I could ask someone? But I think I would have burst right as I said a word to anyone on that bus. 

No way I would get off that bus in the suburbs to pee and wait an hour for another one! So I did what I could to take my attention off the bursting banks, I kept moving around like a man with turrets, grabbed onto and pulled my pants away from my pelvis so tightly that I couldn’t feel my fingers, then my hand, then my arm, and I also played the HU song on repeat on my iPhone.

Amazingly, I survived! I brisk walked off that 40 minute bus ride with a limp. Making it to that urinal was the best relieving feeling I ever felt as I let my river flow to the sewers.

The source of success in surviving was in believing so hard that I WOULD NOT PEE ON THAT BUS. And what a struggle that was. Driving down the highway I couldn’t stop imagining the crayziest shit. As if how I would be so happy if the bus crashed at that moment as I would have the perfect excuse to have drenched myself.

Terrible. 

It’s OK to take a glance at the past, just don’t stare

—Harold Klemp 

In order to purify gold, it must pass through fire.

—friend 

Just as I almost lost hope

Just as I almost lost hope

Patience and charm will open doors to something I forgot what it said

—A fortune cookie found in the subway stairs

illusions, delusions, perversions 

it’s up to me in what I choose to see 

There is nothing holy about hatred

—Lady Gaga

While walking down a dim trail in High Park, an unleashed dog runs up to me, stops, runs around my back, sniffed my ass, ran away, came running back, then jumped just high enough to make out with my mouth. 

What a wonderful dog ♥

so freeee
when you don’t set limits to yourself 

People mainly regard the causes of events in one of two ways. One group says that a person is largely the cause of events in life, while the second group feels that forces beyond the control of an individual are the prime movers. Most people, though, fall somewhere between the two extremes, for they feel in control of certain events, but not of others.

Group-one people, the self-starters, are those who believe their thoughts and actions count in getting what life finally offers them. They usually are happy and self-directed people.

Group-two people, the victims, like the role of life’s casualties. They think and act as if fate, God’s will, and the world is beyond the control of people. Thus, they are often unhappy and usually lack a desire to make anything of life.

—The Easy Way